Vice Style

Urbanears Platten headphones

A typical morning for me is as follows: I wake up, try to slip out the front door before my landlord catches me to ask about rent. I avoid walking through the park, in order to bypass the drunk perverts and crusty teenage runaways who beg me for change. I dash in and out of the coffee shop down the street while silently praying to myself that I don't see anyone I know.

Then I hold my breath and get on the subway. The level of anxiety this causes me is insurmountable. I stare at the ground, try to fade into the background, and sadly I never succeed. Despite my best efforts to brush off all forms of human contact, some loser always tries to chat me up as I'm slumped over half asleep. My puny little iPhone earbuds are no match for the social caffeinated early birds. I pretend I can’t hear them but they can see it in my face, the sweat on my brow; I'm lying and doing a bad job at it. Thankfully, my more recent commutes have changed since I acquired a bright teal pair of Plattan headphones from Urbanears. Normally when I see massive headgear I think, "Wow, that guy must be a 'DJ'. What an asshole." But fortunately these aren't those kinds of headphones. First and foremost they are Swedish, so while they are proper headsets that cover the entire ear these are clean, chic, and free of lame logos ‘n’ trashy metallic hardware. And best of all they come in a slew of bright colors that scream "Leave me alone! I can’t hear shit!” The company has also created a colorful clip-on earbud for consumers that are too worried about headbands ruining their ‘dos. Although they are lightweight and compact they too are loud enough to keep the freaks away. I’m starting to think all Swedish-made products should adopt IKEA’s slogan, “Affordable Solutions for Better Living”.

ANNETTE LAMOTHE-RAMOS