E-MAKE ME OVER
As a longtime devotee to the 'whatever free shit I get in goody bags at PR events' school of fashion and a firm believer in the tenets of the 'let it grow until my boyfriend forces me to cut it' theory of hair design, I could probably do with an image overhaul. Luckily, there are multiple places one can go online to get fashion advice. I decided to let them make my fashion choices for me.
I posted the above picture on Reddit and 4Chan's fashion sections along with this message: I have been wearing this exact same outfit—plain tee and jeans—with this same haircut for the last ten years, but now I'm ready to shine. Will you help me? Tell me what I can do to look great. Thanks in advance.
I didn't get as much feedback as I'd have liked, but here's the best of what I did get:
The backhanded complimenter:
The Braveheart motivational:
And the only person in the world that likes Ronaldo's hair:
This is the definite highlight though. Some guy on 4Chan took the time to create this handy visual guide to my aesthetic flaws:
Luckily, after years of dealing with Viceland's anonymous comment system, I'm immune to insults or this could've hurt. The general consensus seemed to be that my hair was fine, but could do with a cut, my shirt was too plain and didn't fit, and that I should definitely 100% without a doubt invest in some "slim fit khaki chinos".
Based on that and data gathered at the sites that Reddit users linked to, I'm pretty sure the internet wants me to look like this:
Not feeling it. I mean, it's fine and everything, but it just feels a bit too much like a member of an indie band at a family wedding for my liking.
I still definitely need to switch my style up, though. While typing this I realized that I have owned the cut off denim shorts that I'm wearing for almost 11 years. Eugh. Vice Style readers, can you help me in my quest to shine? Leave suggestions in the comments below. All will be considered.
Matt
June 08, 2011 06:15pm
Buddy, those chinos are too loose around the ankles. Also, you're wearing them too long. Taper them and roll 'em up two inches: http://pauseforswag.files.wordpress.com/2011/05/chinos.jpg And if it's not too constricting (and not too fucking hot outside), do up the top button of your shirt--which, by the way, could also be more tapered along the sides and snugger around your arms. Good job rolling up the short-sleeves, though. If you want to wear a shirt that fits more loosely, like that one, try different fabrics like seersucker or linen (in the summer).
Becca
June 08, 2011 06:19pm
In my humble opinion, I think you are lucky enough to be blessed with a frame that warrants tight raglan t-shirts. These can be paired with low-fitting corduroys, Levis bell bottoms or any sailor-inspired cut pant. Giant belt buckles from old rodeos would look good with the jeans. Cowboy boots or good non-lace-up work boots would look nice as well. I actually have a Hank Williams Jr. "Bocephus" concert raglan that it too tight on me, but would probably look really awesome on you. If you don't like raglans, I think you could pull off a Brian Jonestown Massacre-style dashiki thing.
Alex
June 08, 2011 07:15pm
Muscle shirt, crocs and hrmmm maybe spandex shorts. oh oh and a fanny pack!!!!!!!!
David
June 09, 2011 09:54am
The shoes are awful!
Jack
June 09, 2011 10:51am
Literally just go into a male's high street retailer, e.g Topman/River Island etc and just buy anything in there. High Street fashion retailers make things that suit everyone these days so you'll have no worries of looking bad or anything. A good idea would be to go on the retailer's website and look at a style guide or something like that, it'll show you what's on trend and how to wear stuff. Alternatively, just go to any city centre and look at what everyone is wearing, because most people who live and work in the city wear very fashionable clothing.
noel
June 09, 2011 11:13am
i actually think your boring style is way fucking sexy. i'd fuck ya!
Alexandra
June 09, 2011 11:26am
I hear what you are saying about owning the same shit for 10 years and not knowing what to start a new "shinier" lifestyle with. Personally I have been crusing the ebay profile buying thingy. Makes it totes easy to figure out what to get and size it up for you and everything. I have found some very nice preppy striped clothes through there. I think a black polo shirt goes a long way, and Cheap Monday jeans would look yummy on you. Throw on a pair of Toms shoes, that chino pants outfit looks like a frat house uniform aaahahaha. As for your hair, maybe trim down the sides a little so the swirl on the front of your head and the back pair up a little but don't change your hair too much it's cute. I'd suggest going to Bishops, my hairdresser had to have been on crack but Bishops really fixed me up. Other clothing options, v-neck thight shirts (old navy is having hella sale haha), and you definately could pull off tight anything. Tight, totes tight.
NO
June 09, 2011 11:26am
Please just do not wear chinos they are so fucking done out nowadays you even get albanian kids wearing them. They only worse advice you could have got is a denim shirt and some of those ugly fucking chimney sweep boots. Just wear all black again, but this time with ALL BLACK TRAINERS
sam
June 09, 2011 11:31am
have you tried cowboy boots. a fencing mask and cowboy boots will be a good start for you because you're so fat.
sam
June 09, 2011 11:31am
have you tried cowboy boots. a fencing mask and cowboy boots will be a good start for you because you're so fat.
Queen Elizabeast
June 09, 2011 11:51am
Wear a Crown
JASPER
June 09, 2011 01:26pm
Tighter Jeans, Looser Tees. Shoes already sound.
4chan
June 09, 2011 03:17pm
I saw you on there! weeeeeeird I hate this feeling.
blondie3
June 09, 2011 04:08pm
the shirt you're wearing in the last pic is great - more like that! - not sure about the pants though. I think you could get away with sticking to jeans.
Snickers
June 09, 2011 04:14pm
the pants need to go, you can still wear jeans as long as they are a nice dark wash that isn't to flashy and nothing with rinestones or patterns. Just make sure they fit well not to loose fitting. The shoes have got to go, consider some dress shoes nothing fancy just nice. That with the jeans would work really nicely. You may also what to consider an undershirt like a plain white tee. Remember trends come and go but classic clean looking clothes are always the best choice when you are unsure. for the shoes maybe something like this. Hope this helps :) http://www.google.ca/imgres?imgurl=http://www.buy-cheap-shoes.net/wp-content/plugins/wpshapeshiftr/images/download-mens-dress-shoes.jpeg&imgrefurl=http://www.buy-cheap-shoes.net/buy-running-shoes/download-mens-dress-shoes.html&usg=__xgXxxtLC3wxDccHuJ1hMkhyHKJk=&h=220&w=300&sz=53&hl=en&start=0&sig2=r_k1YQxQB_DIKDWhQ1FgUg&zoom=1&tbnid=X0j2TgFFakDDAM:&tbnh=166&tbnw=219&ei=u-LwTd_dBo7rgQe33tn2Ag&prev;=/search?q=mens+dress+shoes&um=1&hl=en&client=firefox-a&sa=N&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&biw=1920&bih=887&tbm=isch&um=1&itbs=1&iact=hc&vpx=1206&vpy=146&dur=1739&hovh=176&hovw=240&tx=117&ty=137&page=1&ndsp=32&ved=1t:429,r:5,s:0&biw=1920&bih=887
Stig-chan
June 09, 2011 04:14pm
If you have a "boyfriend" who is in a position to tell you what to do with your head and hair, just tell him to tell you wtf to put on. Easy.
poo guy
June 09, 2011 04:48pm
do a poo and smear it in ur hair it will look beta :)
deathhums
June 09, 2011 11:38pm
i am fairly certain i would develop a sort of awkward girlish laugh in reaction to your total hotness if i bumped into you. no makeover needed.
rashaad
June 10, 2011 06:48am
yo man your current style is pretty spot-on, you look good without trying too hard and accidentally looking like a model for a fashion blog(the worst). Follow your instinct, b/c that will be your best bet in finding what looks natural and cool on you...following the tips of less outrageous fashion blogs wouldn't hurt either
@deathhums
June 10, 2011 09:43am
I totally know who this is.
jon
June 10, 2011 10:06am
Don't change shit. I'm also wearing 10 year old clothes. Keep posting pictures of other stupid looking people and don't give another thoght to how stupid looking you are.
&
June 10, 2011 10:11am
The only thing uglier than that revised outfit is the URL for those ugly shoes.
Ed
June 10, 2011 11:43pm
You should definitely get some nice trousers and shorts (if it's hot outside) and maybe some shoes for your feet. Also shirts and t-shirts are good for tops, and some jumpers and jackets for when it's cold outside. Also get some socks to go inside your shoes (over your feet) and some pants to go inside your trousers (over your privates). Good luck!
Jim Profit
June 11, 2011 02:45am
Don't ever mix black and brown even if the brown is light.
Jeff Mangum
June 11, 2011 04:01pm
Just go to Urban Outfitters and buy any pair of pants. Then go to a vintage shop and buy a stupid t shirt, wear a denim shirt with a long tail over that and some slip on flimsy fabric shoes with no socks. Then buy some non-cuntish sun glasses and you're pretty much sorted.
robbbb
June 14, 2011 05:53pm
woah, not one commenter realised this was a joke? tards.
Zin
June 15, 2011 07:25pm
here's some variables I did on a stencil of you You don't have to take them seriously,but if you want to dress this way,that's cool http://i108.photobucket.com/albums/n9/zec_bucket/svg2.png http://i108.photobucket.com/albums/n9/zec_bucket/svg3.png http://i108.photobucket.com/albums/n9/zec_bucket/svg4.png http://i108.photobucket.com/albums/n9/zec_bucket/someviceguy.jpg
Sandy
June 18, 2011 07:00am
Double monk straps
Sandy
June 18, 2011 07:01am
Double monk straps
callum
June 20, 2011 12:40am
chinos are for dicks!!! so common however you wear them just be a cool guy and dress cool god is it so hard
callum
June 20, 2011 12:41am
oh and short shorts. roll up shorts like lil hot pants always
ANA
June 20, 2011 12:09pm
YOU LOOK A MILLION TIMES BETTER BEFORE. IN THE 'MADE OVER' PICTURE YOU LOOK LIKE A MENTALLY DISTURBED CLOSETED HOMOSEXUAL THAT HELPS OUT AT TEA PARTIES FOR THE ELDERLEY AND HAS NERVE PROBLEMS. I REALLY THINK YOU ARE MORE STYLISH WHEN YOU ARE COMFERTABLE.
Jackie
July 01, 2011 06:17pm
Just get some cool tattoos. Then wear simple t shirts and acid wash jeans. I'd hit that.