SHIRT HEADS: ACTUAL PAIN

Q+A
Posted November 22, 2010 | Comments / 18

Actual Pain is the devilish, darkish, t-shirt label from Seattle responsible for making these t-shirts. We interviewed founder TJ Cowgill about being a witch, doing your own thing rather than obsessing about imposing mass conformity and fashion's obsession with the occult, due to it being run by gays looking for a belief system that doesn't hate them. Oh, and keeping t-shirts at a reasonable price.

 
Vice: Who are you?
TJ Cowgill: I am TJ Cowgill, owner of Actual Pain, singer and guitarist in Book of Black Earth, Cross, and King Dude.
 
When did Actual Pain begin?
I started Actual Pain in the winter of 2007 out of my bedroom in Seattle, Washington. I had done some designs for RockersNYC in the past because I was friends with Sean Reveron. After seeing my pin with my metal band's logo on, Sean started sending me words to write in my signature black metal font for his shirts. I had no idea that streetwear was a thing, I thought it was all still about skateboard shirts. Once I realized people would buy my stuff, it became a really fun, weird trip.
 
Nice blog. How do you work out what to put on it? Do you ever worry about alienating your customers?
Thanks. It's all pretty much stuff I like personally or cool things my friends do. I am pretty discerning when it comes to the content that goes up there. I have been asked to blog to specifically promote things, but that's really dishonest, so I don't. I've rambled on and on about Albert Von Kleller and he's been dead for nearly a 100 years. Seriously though, the thought of alienating our customers never crosses my mind. I would hope the overall vibe of the website and clothes lets people know where we stand in regards to religion without us having to scream about it.
 
What's the music on your site?
I assume you mean the front page? That's by Eroc and is a song called "Sternchen". I love krautrock and psychedelic music from the 60s and 70s. Next season we are shooting a video lookbook with a really great song by this band from the Netherlands. It's a secret who the band is, just so no one steals our idea, but I can tell you the band was around for nearly 20 years and you've never heard of them.
 
How true do you think Andy Warhol's thing about shops becoming museums is? Is your blog more of a t-shirt shop or is your t-shirt shop more of a blog?
I think Warhol was right, but he probably said that in a time before insane internet advertising. We love Actual Pain because it's not a solely a money-making brand with a bunch of gross ads and shitty t-shirts. I personally still design 90% of what gets made. I hate ads on websites with a bunch of shitty content. Everything on the site means something. So the shirts are not only there just to make money, they convey our message and the blog too. The idea is that you come to our website, get a shirt, and read or hear something new and interesting.
 
We recently opened a warehouse and design studio which we open to the public once a month for art shows that in no way make us a penny. The artists get to keep every dollar and we stock a pretty killer bar. We will attract better artists because more will want to show with us, and we'll have better shows. It's like a public service, or a thank you to everyone who buys our clothes. Plus, I like a good party.
 
 
Your imagery is pretty dark. Why you feeling so black? 
I am not really. I think that there is a lack of the devil in modern art, clothing, music, and the rest. It all stems from the Judeo-Christian belief that mischief, humor, drinking, dancing, sex, and basically anything fun is wrong and needs to be removed from our lives in order for people to go to heaven. What I try and do is reintroduce images that conjure up a feeling of darkness or mischief, without having a skull wrapped in barbed wire spitting fire all-over print. Where after stuff that looks like the sort of thing an evil person might wear  at first, but then upon closer examination it's really humorous or benign. Thus demystifying Satan as the ultimate bad guy. The best way to do this is by reappropriating Christian art or propaganda and using it to advance our own agenda.
 
Like where you've managed to make Jesus being born look evil, how? What's the deal with darkness anyway?
Darkness is a reality. Most folks choose to ignore it and focus on the cute fluffy kitten-face side of life. Although, I too love a cute fluffy face, I also love reading about bizarre cults where people starve themselves to death for their Raelian god. Darkness keeps me balanced. I am fully capable of both good and evil, and acknowledging that helps me understand the world in a much more positive way.
 
"No future", really? What does it mean?
There is "No Future Like Our Future", is the full quote. Meaning there is indeed a future, but there is none better than our own that we perceive. The idea that everyone will one day all be Christians, Muslims, or Scientologists is a pretty unlikely future, right? Well, that's what millions of people are working towards, all in opposition to each other creating a great deal of conflict in the world. The ultimate end result to a singular world view is death.
 
What does Actual Pain mean?
That too is sort of a poking fun at that phrase. People say that they're in actual pain all the time but really they have like a headache or something. Meanwhile, some kid is being burned with a hot screwdriver by his mom for being bad but he's use to it because it happens all the time. I like the idea that pain is relative and basically immeasurable when you think about.
 

 
Is the devil and the occult played in fashion?
It's getting there, through no fault of my own! Seriously, it's been around for a while, it rises up and gets stepped on and disappears for a few years then pops back up again. It's the nature of the occult.
 
Why are all we fashion types so weak for that stuff? I still love it.
I can only guess, but maybe it's because anything anti-Christian is appealing to an otherwise gay male dominated industry since Christians typically hate the gays. This is completely unrelated but do you know what I love? The fact that Gaahl came out of the closet and said he really doesn't believe in gay rights because, as a Satanist, he believes not all people are created equal. That's some of the most conflicted logic but makes perfect sense if you think about it.
 
Your stuff's pretty cheap, why isn't it way more expensive?
I resent the term "cheap" because our shirts are of very high quality and our prints are beautifully done. I like to think of them as affordable. A lot of people in the US think that $35 is too much for a graphic tee. I think the pound is just crushing our dollar right now.
 
Would  you say you're more into the graphics than the cut, etc?
I like the cut of our tee. I try and find out what people like and make everyone happy there. That's sort of an impossible task, by the way. For me it's way more about the design than the cut, but that's because I design most of them. With the stuff like the denim vests and backpacks, I follow those very closely and make sure that the cut is perfect.
 
Who was John the Bastard anyway?
John the Bastard is based on the story of John the Baptist and his beheading. It's the story of Salome's manipulation of the King's lust for her own daughter to have the head of John the Baptist served to her on a silver platter. The tits of the girls are popping out of their dresses like any rad villains should. And John the Baptist's head looks particularly gross, yet still and beautiful. The whole painting has a feeling of stillness and evil, it's beautiful.
 
Are you witches?
I so practice the will of my own intention. Thelemic magic or talismanic magic through the art that I create. The concept of witches and warlocks is a mythological version of intensely powerful people from the past. Neopaganism fails because it is missing many years of practice and information, or development. The truth is, everyone's will is strong enough to make them the most powerful person that they know, but we are filled with doubts and insecurities that keep us from achieving that power. No one wants to teach you that, because if they did we'd have millions of leaders and no flock to follow them around. And that's what every religion holds as it's closely guarded secret. So to answer your question, yes, I am a giant fucking witch. 
 

PHOTOS: ANNA RYON
STYLING: O THONGTHAI
TEXT: DARYOUSH HAJ-NAJAFI
ALL