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MALE POLISH

Are you a modern warrior? A macho man who could punch a hole in a cement wall while simultaneously banging three girls at the same time? Good, because you might be interested in Alphanail, a nail polish designed specifically for hard men. Reasons they give for potentially wanting to wear their nail polish include, 'Sex: You'll Get More Of It," and to "Cover Up, Because Nobody Likes The Fugly." With incentives as strong as that, I wouldn't be surprised if, at the next MMA championship battle, we'll see fuchsia and lilac-nailed bros pummeling the shit out of each other until a mix of blood and nail polish chips cover the ring.

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