Vice Style

Pirates have been super-cool forever, from the Sea Peoples that terrorized the high seas of the Aegean and the Mediterranean in the 13th century BC, to Sir Walter Raleigh—the dashing ruff-collared privateer who brought tobacco and potatoes to Elizabethan England—onto the Golden Age of Piracy in the early 18th century Caribbean, to the Somali pirates who have dominated the Gulf of Aden and beyond in the early 21st century. And of course, pop culture is nothing without pirates, from Long John Silver to Captain Hook, from Muppet Treasure Island to Pirates of the Caribbean, from Monkey Island to The Pirate Bay. Apparently, looking like your lifestyle consists of piracy, combat, murder, and weeks of close confinement with men punctuated by rape binges at port, is just the thing as long as you keep it retro. Update it, though, and people won't think you're very nice. Well fuck them. So, what should drunken sailors, hornswagglin’ scallywags, scurvy dogs, and sons of biscuit-eaters be wearing out in 2011?